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When will I ever learn? - Dont get swallowed by...THE BLOG!
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When will I ever learn?
None of this makes sense now, and will make less sense later. I'm not high. I'm not drunk. I'm not anything other than self loathing.

Its not about the sex. Its not about the fucking. Its not about getting your rocks off. Its not about any of that. Because everytime it comes down to that I feel less fulfilled than when I started out.

Its about trying to find someone who you can talk to into the dead of the night. Its about discovering a connection in this cold, detached, apathetic information age world. Its not about fucking...now, sure sex can be good. But sex in and of itself seems fruitless. The pun there is unintentional but that is the only word I can think of to describe sex as an act without context, i.e. nothing comes of it. Would you give a speech to an empty room? There needs to be a reason, and that reason shouldnt be lack of a reason to NOT do it. "Why not?" is not a good argument. Neither is "We're both here."

And I'll probably regret saying all of the above later. Or maybe I should get drunk and high. Then I'll stop caring.
12 comments or Leave a comment
viscera_lace From: viscera_lace Date: October 16th, 2004 04:58 am (UTC) (Link)
i find it interesting that i'm reading this today....

its frighteningly applicable to me as well...

thanks for writing this, but also;
watch out when you're self-loathing.......
you can dig yourself into a hole so deep that its hard to even try helping yourself out of it.

take care.. talk to me if you need to.
forhisgoddess From: forhisgoddess Date: October 16th, 2004 05:48 am (UTC) (Link)


My search for said lingerer...said confidant...said wish...has continued on all my life...I still wait for her...in anticipation that what everyone tells me is true...she is out there...and you will find her...one can only hope that this is the case...but I am taking on a different perspective...I need to stop searching...and just wait...because the search has been fruitless so far...and it wears me thin...be patient.
kudzuflower From: kudzuflower Date: October 16th, 2004 11:05 am (UTC) (Link)

since everyone else is agreeing with you

I feel the need to take the devil's advocate position. While meaningless, one-night-stand sex is pointless, relationships based on sex aren't necessarily. There was a song written about this once, If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. The emotional and psychological perks of being in a relationship are there even if the relationship is badly based. In other words, sometimes its nice just to feel wanted and attractive, and sex is one way of getting that. Not the only way. Not necessarily the best way. But it is one of the easiest ways.
metavlad From: metavlad Date: October 16th, 2004 11:42 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: since everyone else is agreeing with you

But what I was ranting about was sex with a total lack of any relationship. The whole friends with benefits thing could work (for me, I know it works for other guys), if the girl was in actuality a friend.
taboophantasy From: taboophantasy Date: October 17th, 2004 06:53 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: since everyone else is agreeing with you

From: (Anonymous) Date: October 21st, 2004 12:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: since everyone else is agreeing with you

The "friends-with benefits" thing never works... except for with us... but even then, it just didn't feel right. Two people can't be real friends and casual lovers. (and now I'm generalizing here, people) It almost always ends up with one of the "friends" becoming emotionally attached, and from that there are two usual outcomes: A good, strong relationship, or the friendship will be destroyed and someone will end up with a broken heart.

Vlad- I feel you on wanting to be "in love", and that meaningless sex hurts rather than helps... but I've found that sometimes looking for love will hurt your chances of finding it. I enjoy the natural high that love can give you, but I don't know if I truly believe in "falling in love" or finding "the one". I find that being sexually involved with anyone, solid relationship or casual fling, both have the same ultimate result for me. A brief sense of fulfillment, but an empty feeling when I'm lying in bed alone at night. Maybe I'm just too young... maybe I haven't found the right person yet, maybe I'm just too emotionally detached from the idea of "love"... okay, now I'm just ranting.
The point is... I understand. I want to fill that emptiness inside, but as you explained, you can't do that by sex, and I doubt that you can do that through finding someone. I think that I need to do that by loving myself first. I think that you need to love yourself as well. All jokes aside, step off of the stage, stop performing... you don't have to be putting on a constant show in order for everyone to adore you (believe me, i know, easier said than done).
And, if all else fails, you always have your friends. I know I haven't been around lately but I'm almost always available by cell phone... and now i have xanga (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ScantilyCladLady) that you can look at to see whats going on in myyy life... i know, you told me to get lj... next time, ok?

Vladimir, you will always be in my heart. <3 olive juice... always *monica*
cloudedoracle From: cloudedoracle Date: October 16th, 2004 11:36 am (UTC) (Link)

Y'know, when I read this entry I had to laugh a little. I laughed for two reasons, the first being that almost all of the girls I know believe that men aren't capable of thinking this way. The second reason I was a little amused stems from the fact that I've thought this way thousands of times, and so have the many, many girls I know.

Vlad, dude, there are ALOT of girls who would agree with you on this. You just keep finding those few who don't. How I don't know, but trust me on this.....*points upward at the entry* THAT...is not an uncommon outlook or gripe.

Take care of yourself. It'll all work itself out.
From: truthseeker18 Date: October 16th, 2004 09:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just remember, if you need someone to talk into the dead of night with, you can always rely on your friends!
From: thegodofwar Date: October 18th, 2004 10:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Its about substantive passionate intimacy, the kind that connects two minds so directly that the link is almost perceptibly tangible, and can be held thousands of miles away.
From: glass_grenade Date: October 20th, 2004 11:14 am (UTC) (Link)
Guy: Why do you people get married? Is it for love?
Girl: No, it's not for love.
Guy: Oh really? That's surprising. I would've thought you a romantic. Well, why do people get married then?
Girl: To be recognized. To have a witness. There are millions of people living a life everyday, what makes ours special? When we get married it's like promising the other person that you will not go unnoticed, because I will notice you. That you will pay attention to and care about every detail, every day, all the time. The good, the bad, the sad, the mundane ... all of it. You can quote me on that.

*paraphrased like a mofo, but I saw it on TV and don't know which movie it's from ...*

I agree with you. Love > sex. Love is the reason for expressing yourself in that way. I never wanted to have sex with anyone [even if I liked them and was really physically attracted to them] until now [with my boyfriend/fiance]. And it's not the act of it that I want, but the intimacy .. sharing everything with that person. Anywho ... don't give up yet. There's still time to find the things you want.
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 20th, 2004 02:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sucken something?
red_paperdoll From: red_paperdoll Date: October 22nd, 2004 10:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
You've got the right idea.
Sex isn't supposed to be something that you have just for the sake of having it.
The mistake people make is that they have sex with people they don't love, and it feels cheap.
Then again, having sex with the same person day in and day out gets boring.
And then there are others who confuse sex with love, and it's all so messed up it doesn't make a difference.
Just listen to your inner voice and be happy.
12 comments or Leave a comment