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Tales of a Mechanic - Dont get swallowed by...THE BLOG!
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metavlad
metavlad
Tales of a Mechanic
I had to go get my oil changed today, and while the car was up on the lift they noticed my car was once again fuckin’ up. So I let them keep it for a day to fix it and my mechanic, George, had to drive me home.

Here are the highlights of the drive home.

“If somebody’s signaling then I let them in the lane— ”
“Me too!” I say.
“If they not, then I speed up and hit the horn. Like fuck you buddy,” he finishes, adding the hand gesture that goes with that phrase.

“This one time, this guy didn’t signal and I passed him and it was a undercovercop. He turns on his lights and we pull over, he comes up and shows me his badge. But I was working part-time for Secret Service, so I say “I don’t care about your badge show me your ID.” And he’s says “uhhhh” and I say “Show me your ID!” and he pulls it out and I radio him in to Montgomery County police and it turns out he was an EX-cop. So they took him away and he went to jail for five years. They later found out he raped some women in PG county or something. But when my guy write up report, I tell him put his name on it, George no want glory, cuz what if he gets out and wants revenge? He’s not gonna come and get me.”

“When I was working for the Secret Secret full time we had to go down to Miami to do a drug thing. The first day we there, take down 300 cops. 300 dirty cops. There was 2 boats supposed to come to port, from Colombia. And they supposed to have fruit, but some boxes they fruit, other boxes they drugs. We knew this, cuz we had guy in Colombia, informant. But the guys on boats, these fuckin jungle boys. The jungle boys, they know how to shoot guns real good. Well some of the guys I work with, they young guys, fresh out of college. Guy come onto the boat, “Eff bee eye.” show his badge, like the jungle boys gonna just give up. But the jungle boys they shoot the guns, bam! In here [point to his forehead] and right out here [he points to the back of his head]. After I saw that man, I said “Hey I don’t wanna do this no more.” But the government guys they say to me “No, you know too much, but we only get you to work for national security issues.” And now they call me about Iraq, cuz that’s a national security issue. And Bush now he wants to go to Iran. And who gonna pay for that? You and me.”

[Later, as we pass Bowl America]
“You ever go there? Everytime I go bowling I pick up hot girl. Its good place to pick up girl. [At this time I’m thinking it’s really funny to hear “hot girl” in a thick Polish accent]. I know this guy he teach me to bowl. He show me trick how to spin ball and everything. So I am in Germany with friends and they say “Hey George, there’s this new club they have bowling, let’s go.” So we go and there’s guy there, supposed to be expert. And I play dumb and say I never been bowling. And he gonna show me how to bowl and I pick up the ball and hold it backwards. And I throw a few balls and play like I can not bowl and so guy says “Ok, if I win you buy beer for everybody.” And then I say “Ok, but if I win you buy beer and food!” and he says ok. And so I beat him and he says “Hey! You know how to bowl!” and I say “No! This is first time in life.” And he say “Ok, one more time we play.” And I beat him again and then I say “Here let me show you why you are messing up” and I show him how he throwing the ball wrong and he say “You know how to bowl!” and I say “No, this is first time, I just watch a lot of bowling video, its all in the video, the guy on video talk about thing you doing” but he no believe me.
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Comments
slaughters From: slaughters Date: February 12th, 2005 12:22 am (UTC) (Link)
That was fucking awesome.
From: thegodofwar Date: February 12th, 2005 07:51 am (UTC) (Link)
So this George guy. Legit? Telling stories?
metavlad From: metavlad Date: February 12th, 2005 08:57 am (UTC) (Link)
He's got no reason to lie. He's just my mechanic.
non_applicable From: non_applicable Date: February 14th, 2005 02:52 am (UTC) (Link)

life is so....

life-ish sometimes
camelot_king From: camelot_king Date: February 18th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
you are truly a man of legend, your mechanic has stories of glory and he's YOUR mechanic. it's like somthing out of a movie. mild-mannered vlad goes about his daily life, his mechanic saved a bus full of children in his youth but he's done with that now, satisfied to be vlad's mechanic. you're like batman or something. George, ready the batmobile.
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