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Musings on the future... - Dont get swallowed by...THE BLOG!
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metavlad
Musings on the future...
Alex and I were discussing possible classes for me to take this fall.

Vladnroses: but once y'all are gone, all i will be doing will be
Vladnroses: 1) school, 2)outback 3) gym 4)tv/computer
Vladnroses: so I figure by christmas break, i will have plenty of money for a car
Vladnroses: i have 5K right now
Vladnroses: well, 5400
Vladnroses: then, after i buy a car
Vladnroses: I'm set for a while
Vladnroses: and I can run off whenever I want
Vladnroses: live out of my car for a few days
Vladnroses: shack up somewhere
Vladnroses: thatd be nice
BarB: damn
BarB: i would be scared
Vladnroses: y?
Vladnroses: itd be nice to grow a beard
Vladnroses: I'd look like jesus
BarBBayB: i dunno, the isolated indepence
Vladnroses: good for the soul
Vladnroses: atleast for me
Vladnroses: ESPECIALLY WITHOUT A COMPUTER
Vladnroses: omg
Vladnroses: thatd be magnificent
Vladnroses: no ties anywhere
Vladnroses: maybe a cell phone i turn on to call home and tell'em i'm ok
Vladnroses: yeah, maybe next summer
Vladnroses: i'll road trip somewhere
Vladnroses: tour the us hitting the 3 day/weeklong raves
Vladnroses: well, i can always dream
BarB: it could happen
BarB: damn, u could always dorm hop
Vladnroses: whaddya mean?
Vladnroses: i dont know anyone who goes to school far away
Vladnroses: what, start in niagara and end up in ohio?
BarB: seriously?
BarB: i'm sure u could find someone u know in the states
BarB: god i wish i knew what was in it for me
Vladnroses: what do you mean?
Vladnroses: whats in what for you?
BarB: i'll probably end up at a desk job
Vladnroses: I wouldnt mind a desk job, its security, ya know?
BarB: yeah
Vladnroses: and you'll always have the weekends
BarB: heh
BarB: and office parties
Vladnroses: "everybodys workin for the weeeekend!"
BarB: and happy hour...
Vladnroses: yea
Vladnroses: yea
Vladnroses: maybe i'll move to the south of france and teach a few of them, that not all americans suck, and maybe theyll show me not all frenchies are jerks
Vladnroses: I could invite david eggers and chuck palanuiks(sp?) and we could be the second version of the american expatriates
Vladnroses: i could pull an f scott fitzgerald
Vladnroses: come out with one great work, and die in obscurity
Vladnroses: or maybe i'll get some sort of inspiration and write a serious work
Vladnroses: sorry, I'll continue my ramblings in my journal, lets see where this goes...

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life.

This is the part where the normal person has a panic attack.
This is also the part where I feel the best. Thinking about actually running off on my own, its like a rush of endorphins. Nothing feels better.

Right now I'm living at home with my parents. But I pay for school. And I fucked up in school, so now I can only takie 2 classes next semester. Which means I dont qualify for my dads health insurance. I'm either gonna pick up some shifts at outback to average 25 hours a week, so I can hop onto that insurance, or just fuck it and take care of myself. For those of you who lost the memo, I'm diabetic. And not very good at it. But I'm ok, which I figure can last me a few more years while I take control.

Fast Foward 10 years, and I am either extremely happy, or dead. For some reason, either one of those would be fine with me. Or anywhere in the middle. I dont know why, but I am not an unhappy person. I think I could continue living with my parents and working at outback, and be happy, atleast for a while (like, 5 years). I could also hop on a train to LA tomorrow, use my 5K to find and apartment and an agent and live happily there too.
Unhappy is just not my way. I think thats why people just dont seem to understand me. And I always seem to be trying to cheer them up. I think when I was developing, my sister hit me upside the head one too many times, and I lost sadness. Quite the odd man out I am. I think my sadness actually went to someone else. I see it sometimes in Dave. That bothers me.

Also, you may have noticed I said I wouldn't mind being dead. I actually would. But I am not afraid of death. Death is the greatest unknown there is, and since I consider myself a psuedo-intellectual, I would like to find out, eventually. The later the better however.

Banana Hands (aka Tony Robbins, its a Shallow Hal reference) says you should make a list of your goals. Mine has only one. "Be Happy." For 19 years of my life I have been content. With a lack of sadness, comes a lack of happiness aswell. I have experienced joy. Happiness will come. I hope.

Current Mood: Whimsical

2 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
sparkfrost From: sparkfrost Date: July 15th, 2003 09:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

hey...

ok, this will sound cheesy but:
i believe in you
i love you (platonically) :)
and happiness will come.
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 20th, 2003 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

sisterly wisdom

I did not hit you upside your head...not many times atleast.....AND, you should know that you're in total control of your happiness. You can create it---nurture it-----and foster it----until you look at life with awe---and cherish every joyfull moment you experience.
2 comments or Leave a comment